the scientific method? helpful, it turns out.

I had been idly standing in front of a crossroad until my four closest friends pointed it out. And when they did, I wanted to whack myself on the head. It was all clear to me now. I had to make a choice--again. Why do I have to make impossible decisions all the time?


Tin, Jano, Ellis, and Allaine combed through the knots for me. We went through this the way Ma'am Marilyn would've wanted us to: the classic scientific method.


I was the bait of the observation. According to them, I seemed different--like something was bothering me. Short attention span, inattentiveness, the constant urge to go to the CR (wait, cross that last bit--I always do that). So they snapped at me and sat me down to ask what was going on. I swear, they might as well have put me under a hanging light. But I was thankful for the interrogation; it helped me clear out my head, and what could be better than four friends having your back?


After what seemed like an eternity of identifying the real problem, they started to brutally nitpick the pros and cons (something I'm very thankful for) but never came to a conclusion. So we tried seeing things in a different light. Ensuing further discussion, Ellis hatched a metaphor.


I was in the middle of a straight road, not a crossroad, Ellis said.


Running after me was someone I had let go of in the past. He was picking up pace, ready to catch me if ever I fell. The smell of his skin, the warmth of his arms...ever so familiar. It woke me up to memories I thought I had banished.


And on the road before me, within my reach, was someone I had yet to know, but had come to love. I barely knew him and he barely knew me, but somehow I felt that he was already a part of who I am, who I wanna be. I couldn't see the rest of the road ahead...unless I held his hand and faced it with him. But what if he would let go? If I never tried, I would never know.


(OBSERVATION: hmm. the paragraph above has so many unintended rhymes.)


My dilemma is this: should I run back to the welcoming arms of the past, or take a chance and face the future?


Oops. That was a wee bit too dramatic. But really, if I stop and think about it, that really is the perfect way to see through my predicament. Although, I do have a third choice (YES, I know I should have mentioned it earlier). That involves not looking back at Mr. Been There Done That, running ahead of Mr. Gotta Get To Know You More, and take on a life for myself. That would be the easy way out.


Mr. Been There Done That failed me...or maybe I had failed him. I thought this was for real, that this time, things would be different. I find it hard to believe him, even if I'm sure he isn't lying. Now I don't know who to blame for this. Is it him or me with the problem? Well, that didn't matter anymore. I have to let go. I'll always remember how safe I felt when I was in his arms. If I stayed, he would fight for me. But this girl's gotta make her own way.


Mr. Gotta Get To Know You is quite the rollercoaster. The funny thing is I had cracked up a lot last summer, but he was the only one able to squeeze a genuine laugh out of me. I was rolling on the floor for almost an hour, thinking about the bizarreness of the situation and how alive I felt. He's one of the people who make the road ahead so exciting. He makes me better. He inspires me. Bottomline: He's worth it. And all that cheesy stuff girls say.

So there's my conclusion.

Here's to me, ready to face the unknown. Wish me luck...and I do hope I'm not gonna have to handle this with the scientific method again.