freewriting?

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.

Cyril Connolly

On days when I thumbwrestle with my worst enemy--writer's block--I turn to every possible source for just an ounce, a drop, a little bit of inspiration to fuel my numb writing hand. Unfortunately, today is one of those days, so expect this blog to be peppered with links, photos, and just about every other source of what I call "power cookies".

When in doubt, I Google. Specifically, I Googled "symptoms of writer's block", half-expecting to get less than a thousand results. Well, whaddya know? Articles for everything do exist. You just gotta Google. http://www.fictionfactor.com/articles/block.html enlightened me of my current situation. It said:

Ask yourself the following questions:

1) Have you panicked yet?

2) Did you try to force yourself to writer only to become extremely frustrated over the quality of slush you were creating?

3) Has it been more than five minutes since you wrote your last cohesive sentence?

4) Have you wept for the inability to write even an email?
5) Have you begged your friends to just 'shoot' you?

6) Have you almost talked yourself into the idea that taking a job as a check-out chick will be more rewarding than publishing career?

My answers:

1) Why, yes I have. Thank you for asking.

2) I always do that. It's how I start. Thankfully, I consume less than three pages.

3) In a few minutes I may have to tie myself down in order NOT to pull my hair out. Does that answer your question?

4) Well...not exactly. But I break some plates from time to time.

5) Never. (Although that's a good idea...I'll sleep on it.)

6) It appealed to me once, but my resistance is far from futile.

THERE! Inspiration. I now have something to spill my guts about.

"I'll sleep on it."

(This is where I get serious and writer-ish...bring out the popcorn. This is gonna be long.)

Abyss. Imagine me, neck-deep in a pool of emotions I thought I'd never feel. It's not bottomless--if I push myself to, plain brute force will help me resurface. Every minute adds a whole new theory to the way my words react with each other. And because a scar has reopened in my heart, each letter is infused with the rage I am fighting tooth and nail to supress.

And...my paragraph stops there. What is happening to my usually-filled chest of inspiration? Boy, I am running out of fuel. I better start "overhearing" other people's conversations again.

If all else fails...I freewrite. Usually this makes me feel even more frustrated about not being able to grind one almost-perfect...

THERE! Inspiration again.

As a kid, I was always afraid of balls. The mere thought of getting hit by a darn heavy, crappy...oh, forget it. I can't quite think of a good enough topic to talk about. Darn this. I am struggling. I guess this is the whole point of freewriting. To make a fool out of yourself for the whole world to see. Or not. I'm picking up a few ideas from this so called "slush".

This is by far my worst post. And as I'm typing I cringe. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT?

And I should stop, think, and contemplate before I blow up.

Gimme some time. I'll churn you guys an awesome post. :)