you embrace my fragility.

I love you.

Those three words became so familiar between you and me. Every chance we'd get we would say it out loud in public, and I remember how I sparkled for a week after hearing you say that for the very first time. Now nobody can explain the aftermath. Tell me. Do you think this is what we deserve? I have been fighting tooth and nail not to fall apart. What we had, that held me together. But what we are, it's tearing me bit by bit.

Last night you crossed my mind. My subconscious mentioned you in passing, then all of a sudden I was thinking of nothing else. You refused to leave my thoughts. I actually had to calm myself down several times. You don't know how hard I've been trying not to think of you. You simply don't know.

Whatever happened to our storybook romance? You and I were inseparable. I remember having to constantly pinch myself to see if I wasn't dreaming. I just couldn't comprehend it.

This time I never wanted to wake up.

*****


I would trade the whole world for that moment.

It was all exactly the same. You had the same brown eyes, the same crooked smile, the same messy hair. Just the way you were when I first met you. Nothing had changed. Still the same boy who had spoiled me rotten with love letters and chocolate months ago.

Sometimes the last hope is an intervention. This was the only way I could hold you again. Before I could do that your arms lifted me off the ground, carried me, spun me until I got dizzy. Nostalgia. The look in your eyes said it all. That smile. "I love you! So much, ha? Kung alam mo lang!" you scream. I let my head fall back and laugh out loud. You never get tired of me.

And then you set me back on the ground. I rest my head on your chest, the safest place in the world. Nowhere else. You cup my face in your hands, embracing my fragility. Just when I had recovered from the nausea you kiss me, ever so softly. First my forehead, each of my eyelids, my nose and then finally my lips. Once again I'm dizzy. I am at a loss for words. Right then and there you had rescued me when there was no other hope in the world.

I can feel your smile on my lips. Too early you pull away, and one last time you say, "Even if I don't show it, I do. So much. I love you. Forever you'll be my love. Hold on." And then you're gone.

Stunned, I jolt awake.

I had a dream about you.